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13 June 2011 @ 05:30 pm
Writing Exercise Day 5: Things You Would Say to Your Ex  
I don’t have an ex-boyfriend, just a bunch of guys I used to like a lot. The relationship I’m in is the first real one I’ve had, and everything else before this was probably a cute crush, a devastating obsession, or a simple LJ entry memory of what could have been great.

I suppose there is one guy who came to mind when this topic was brought up. I wrote about him all too much in here. Until now, I can’t believe it’s been 7 years since we first met, 5 years since I got over it, and maybe 2 or 3 years since we last ignored each other in public. Haha Now we just do so on Facebook.

I suppose I could tell him that I’m doing well, much better than when whatever was (or wasn’t) going on between us was there. Much better than I was when I would hang on to every word he said and would pretend that what we had was a connection. I know now to accept that boys are just not worth the trouble, and that whatever was in my imagination that happened was probably a figment of my storytelling prowess. It's funny; he was probably the most important person in my life for awhile. I put him on such a pedestal that he never deserved. And now, he’s just the by-product of college memories, the cobweb of lessons I needed to learn, of heartbreak I needed to think I was feeling.

I suppose I was lucky. It was a free pass of sorts, an experience that helped me learn all the things NOT to do or feel when in a relationship, without actually having to be in one. Without actually having to go through a break-up.

But I also suppose that I don’t have to tell him all of this. We can just go on with our lives, because whatever this Day 5 exercise is isn’t necessary. I don’t have to know if he felt anything for me. I don’t have to know what he really ever thought of me. I don’t have to know if he ever even regarded me as an individual to respect. I don’t have to know if he ever even liked me. Who cares? Any digging up the past will just be of a grave that I don't have to fall into. He’s probably happy, and I know I am. That’s the part I’m okay with: I’m okay with not knowing, with just having gotten past it. And I think if that’s the place I’m in right now, then that’s a great place to be.
margagacaffeine_junkie on June 13th, 2011 10:14 am (UTC)
holy cow. i still know my LJ password.
funny thing is, i was looking through my old entries YESTERDAY. i think i wanted to remember how i used to be for some reason.

you think there a difference between apathy and acceptance? or do they complement each other?

(this feels emo. i'm kinda judging myself again. hahahahaha.)
♥ Victoriaw_llflower on June 13th, 2011 11:28 am (UTC)
Re: holy cow. i still know my LJ password.
Haha I thought the same thing too -- can't believe I still remember my password!

It's probably different in every situation. But maybe in mine, I accepted it first, but now I think I'm just apathetic. Whatever the difference is, it doesn't matter anymore hahahaha!

Ahh LJ, the days of emo. :-)
margaga: injured owencaffeine_junkie on June 13th, 2011 03:16 pm (UTC)
Re: holy cow. i still know my LJ password.
so i was reading through my old entries yesterday but i didn't log in until i was about to comment on your post. apparently, i had some locked posts that were really emo! i was wondering how much of it is still me. hahahaha.
♥ Victoriaw_llflower on June 13th, 2011 05:17 pm (UTC)
Re: holy cow. i still know my LJ password.
Hahaha! Can I just share? First I panicked cos I didn't think I remembered my password. All those memories, gone?? :-( Would have depressed me so much. I find comfort in that it's all here somewhere, and that whenever I want to visit the old me again, I can always log in and read everything.
All Hail General Smiteeatfutbol on June 14th, 2011 09:17 am (UTC)
Hey Vicky! Nice to see you writing again. I still lurk around these parts. Been wanting to exercise my writing also, I think my brain is rotting. Where do you get your exercise topics?
♥ Victoriaw_llflower on June 14th, 2011 04:33 pm (UTC)
Is this Sarie?? Omg LJ is so dead, I don't even remember people's pseudonyms anymore!!! Hahaha. I got it from this post online: http://26.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lh3eutz8RE1qc4gflo1_500.jpg